How We Weathered The Storm and Came Out Stronger

This might be one of the most personal posts you will find on this blog. I don’t write it as an update on my life, or for pity or attention. I write it because the lessons learned from the experiences are lessons that should be able to help those going through the same struggles we have gone through.

As many of you already know, on April 24th, Stephen was admitted into the hospital. The following five weeks were plagued by tears, pain, endless waiting for calls from doctors, fights with doctors, uncertainty, anxiety… anything and everything you can think of that comes with a loved one fighting for their life without answers. The experience allowed us to discern who are the ones who will always be there for us, while showing true colors of those whose motives can be questionable at best, and dangerous at their worst. We were blessed to have Stephen fully recover. And while he is well and healthy, our marriage did not have the same result.

The weeks following his discharge were dark. While some marriages end with the parties agreeing and moving forward, or even with some disagreements and legal battles, our experience was far more complicated. Miscommunications and deep pain lead to an ugly and painful battle. Things were said, pain was deeply inflicted, and hours were spent in courthouses and online conferences. I won’t go into detail, mainly because some things are meant to stay private. However, what I will share with you is the lessons learned, and the way that we have been able to focus on our children and how we have come out stronger out of this experience.

Grief isn’t only felt in death. Grief is one of those human emotions that we will never be able to fully prepare ourselves for. Ending a marriage feels just like losing a loved one; you are losing a part of your life which you invested your whole heart into. While our marriage was far from perfect, it had wonderful moments, and most importantly, it was ours, and that cannot be taken away from us.

The part I want to tell you about isn’t the pain, but the strength that has come out of the experience. Despite all the pain, Stephen and I have learned a new way to communicate; we have been able to focus all of our attention on doing what is best for our children, while redirecting our pain and suffering and transforming it into a joint effort into making this new chapter of our family a better one. As of this morning, the hardest part of the process has been finalized, and our children will be able to create new and happier memories with us, even if those memories are not those of a normal family. Our children are now able to see us communicate and agree; they are able to see a stronger parental unit that will set an example for them, which is that, no matter what, we share a deep and meaningful love for them, and that we will do anything and everything it takes to provide our children a happy life.

To Stephen: Despite it all; the pain, disagreements, fights… I want to thank you. Our marriage taught me to find strength in me that I didn’t know I had. It allowed me to find my voice. It allowed me to learn that I can walk through fire and come out stronger. Thank you for the years that we spent together and the happy memories that we did share. I even want to thank you for the not so happy moments, for those were the ones that allowed me to learn and grow. Thank you for giving us two wonderful, strong, kind, willful children, who will always be a reminder of happier times. I forgive you for all the ways you wronged me, and I hope that you will forgive me for the ways I have wronged you. I have learned not to hold any ill will and look forward to working towards creating a happier, and most of all HEALTHIER life for them, TOGETHER.