Comfortably Uncomfortable

My name is Pam Alcala, and I had Postpartum Depression. The name of this blog wouldn’t be accurate if I didn’t dig deep into my personal discomfort once in a while, so here we are. In February of 2012, and after four different pregnancy tests, I found out I was pregnant with our first. I would love to say that I panicked, but I don’t think that’s a strong enough word to describe my state of mind at the time. We had been trying to get pregnant, so it wasn’t a surprise, but seeing that positive pregnancy made things all too real. Like many women, I experienced some bleeding in the beginning of my pregnancy, but other than that, the pregnancy was fairly uneventful. We had one point during our twenty-week ultrasound where they discovered that Ethan had some calcium deposits in his heart, but after some follow ups, it was determined that there was nothing to be worried about. We moved to a bigger apartment, I gained the weight, we created our nursery, and my parents and sisters boo

      I had a very special, soul-changing, life-shining opportunity to lead a learning this week on how may we, as Jewish women, Activate our power. During this time, a question came up about what does “power” mean. Boy, is that a loaded question. Throughout the years (and I mean thousands of years), women have been assigned a very specific role in the world: creators of life, keepers of the household, and bearers of the spiritual soul of the home. We are entrusted to light the candles for Shabbat, leading the spiritual light into our homes and creating the sacred space that will usher the  neshama yetera , or additional soul into our lives. Shabbat allows us to create two connections with our space. A connection with our outward space, the practice of connecting with God through ritual practices and prayer, and the inwards connection, which is the time we take to rest and connect with our soul (I guess it’s a good thing we get two souls during this time!). We have from sunset

I have thoughts. So many thoughts. My brain works overtime whenever I get an idea. Like many people, I have a love/hate relationship with discomfort. When I am faced with an uncomfortable situation, I start feeling the cold sweat behind my neck, while my brain starts screaming answers that my mouth can't verbalize out of fear. During the past year, I have been incredibly blessed to have been presented with invaluable opportunities for growth and learning. I have been exposed to realities that are not my own, and that have put me in positions of incredible discomfort, but that have resulted in invaluable learning. I have slowly (and seriously, big emphasis on SLOWLY) started to lean into the discomfort, and started allowing myself to feel and explore situations that make me challenge my preconceived notions and biases that once forced me to hide behind a persona that has not always portrayed my true feelings about situations. And after a lot of thinking, I have decided that I don&