Comfortably Uncomfortable

On March 7th, I got the call that our Purim carnival got cancelled. COVID was starting to really kick in, and the world started getting acquainted with the now famous phrase "in these uncertain times". We already had our costumes picked out, so the fact that the carnival, which is one of my favorite events of the year got cancelled, it really made me sad. At that point, however, it felt like a micro-problem: we are missing out on the carnival, we'll just get through this one and just wash our hands more often and not shake hands or hug when we see people. On March 13th, we got the email from the Superintendent of Schools that schools would be closing for two weeks. After that, it all started snowballing.  I had tickets to go to Chile on March 27th for my grandmother's 90th birthday. I was being told by people to change my ticket for later in the month, as the virus wasn't slowing down. As the date drew near, I got the email from the airline that my flight was canc...

The world today is a scary place. Beyond the obvious pandemic fears, we live during a time where not all lives matter, where people of color fear the streets, where women have to reconsider what they wear or where they go, and where speaking up for issues that matter puts you at unnecessary risk. It’s not the world that we planned when bringing children into, or what we envisioned growing up. It’s disappointing, maddening, and frustrating, but not unfixable (is that a word? Who cares, it’s a word today). Three years ago, I joined the staff at a wonderful congregation that was kind enough to give me a platform that allows me to do the work that I enjoy the most. Jewish leadership development has been a passion of mine for as long as I can remember. I am not talking about Jewish leadership in terms of practice and ritual, but about the pillars of social justice and tikkun olam (repair the world). If you know me personally, you’ve heard me repeat the phrase “Jewish education is a non-ne...

 I had been looking forward to my children going back to school since March 13th, which is the day we were informed school's would be closed due to the pandemic. I had been craving that silence, that routine, that moment where the kids would come home and tell me all about the awesome things they did at school (or in Ethan's case, how long the day is and how he would rather stay home playing video games). Every single day after March 13th, I would stare at my home waiting for the email from the Superintendent telling us that school was reopening, and that we could go back to normal.  The email never came, and normal wasn't "normal" anymore. Both kids would sit in front of computers and see their friends and teachers. While Lily would love it (albeit not really pay much attention), Ethan struggled. He is shy, and doesn't care to show his face on the screen. Adjusting to virtual learning took a lot of time, but we were blessed with a teacher who was so incredibl...

We need to talk about race. I will not apologize for any discomfort that this post may cause, nor will I be upset if your feelings towards me change because of my political beliefs. In fact, if this post makes you so uncomfortable that it elicits that unique, burning feeling of immeasurable anger or disgust that can only generate from the very pit of your stomach, whether you agree with my stance or not, then I will consider this post a success. Why? Because that means that means that you needed to hear what I need to say. I was one of those people that believed that “All Lives Matter” was the acceptable retort to the Black Lives Matter movement. I believed that singling out one group of people did nothing but just strengthen racism. I was one of those people that lived in a bubble of unrelenting privilege. Luckily, I have friends who are people of color that had no problem shaking some sense into me, and that took the time to challenge my beliefs, making me look at myself in the mirro...

I have told you guys before how I grew up in a fairly conservative Jewish household. As such, women are to light candles, keep the Jewish home, etc. Women, however, are not to read from the Torah, wear a kippah, don a tallit, or wear tefillin (though all of these have been revisited within the Masorti movement most recently, sparking endless debate). I never questioned these practices, nor did I ever feel restricted by them or felt any level of resentment towards the men in the family; it always felt right. My grandfather on my mother’s side grew up in a very Orthodox household. His mother once had to be carried out in a chair during a medical emergency and walked in said chair home during the High Holy Days because she refused to break Halacha (Jewish law) and ride in a car (and yes, Halacha does say that medical emergencies supersede everything else, but here we are). However, despite all of this, at age 15, my grandfather went to his parents and cut off his peyot (sidelocks worn b...

I have been trying to find a way to write these thoughts for weeks. This is the best I could come up with. The last few weeks have been complicated. Health issues have affected our home, and I find myself handling more than I often think I am capable of. We have bee n incredibly blessed with a support network of people who have been there for us unconditionally, which has triggered tears in both myself and the kids more times that I would like to admit. Somehow, our house and family are still standing, even when my brain is flooded with “what ifs” and “how comes” multiple times throughout the day. And while the world seems to be on pause, our lives haven’t. Ethan now has Google Meets three to four times a day, Lily meets with her friends on Zoom two to three times a day, and I am still working, with added learnings through the NGF and the JewV’Nation Fellowship. And while staying busy has been a saving grace, those distractions eventually stop, and I am left to my own thoughts. One of ...

My son’s second grade teacher has been wonderful through this whole pandemic. She, as well as all the other amazing second grade teachers at our school district, have put together lessons and posted them on Padlet for the kids to complete at home. They divide the lessons by section, and one of the sections is called Social/Emotional Learning. Ethan has never been too into completing the lessons in that section and, admittedly, I haven’t pushed it much because I think he is already dealing with enough (aren’t we all?). I bring it up a few times a week in hopes that he will find something on the list that catches his eye that we can hopefully work on together. However, For this week, the lesson at the top of the Social/Emotional Learning list was called “Optimism Lesson”, and my first reaction to that was: there is no way I am having Ethan complete that one. I know, what kind of mother am I if I’m not promoting optimism and the good side of things to my child, especially if he struggles...